FUBAR

It’s a Monday and I had time in my hands…I took a leave of absence so I could process my PRC ID renewal…and as typical as any day I have planned out. It was a disaster. *sigh*

Anyway, in order to get my head geared away from anything depressing…err if you noticed why I’ve been set on anti-depression lately…I think it’s an unconscious new year resolution…why mope for 24 hours when I could have 5 seconds of absolute happiness. Some might think it’s a bit masochistic…what with feeling all blue for most of the day and only feeling elated for a moment. But then again, it’s a choice of living…and it beats the hell out of wasting time being frigging down. So yes, I am taking the happy pill. HAHAHAHAHA

Anyway, yeah…thinking about something to make my day…I tried to think about the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. “You are my high” Teehee, happy pill makes sense here yeah? HAHAHAHAHAHA

It’s a bit o a two edge sword I think, very subtle (????) I mean it is very flattering to be someone’s high per se…of course, taking into account that it’s a natural high (bloody hell) and un-induced by foreign drugs, legal or otherwise. Although for me it could simply imply as a catalyst for that adrenaline rush…or however people get high these days.

Although I don’t like the idea of being an entity for a loss of control…so far I would prefer to shove it in the same category as coffee…or me for that matter…with coffee…that makes perfect sense…

Although caffeine effects are pretty much short lived and temporary, I’m hoping that it was meant as a positive thing. Positive in a sense that I was or am able to help for him to take the necessary steps or that slight push to be the person he’s supposed to be.

So there. One of the nicest things anyone has said that in a way made me feel good about myself. Something to remind me why I shouldn’t give in to depression and all that shit. I mean, admit it, we could be quite the vindictive hellions when we’re having a bad day. I mean it’s pretty normal to have insecurities or have days when the shit hits the fan…you know…FUBAR (fucked up beyond recognition), it then becomes pretty normal for some to day dream of living a life more extravagant, adventurous or plainly less ordinary…even lives that transcends the boundaries of what we call reality. Yes. Those. Since day dreaming is for free, a lot would just jump outside the box, or whatever shape their reality is and let go…but the point is, no matter how much you’d like to live that unbelievable dream, reality is there to always remind you that it simply is a dream.

But despite whatever horror life might have painted your days – it’s nice to have someone see you in alight not everyone sees and its something good about you that you might have forgotten or never realized – maybe because no one ever noticed or doesn’t see it like that person does…still, sure beats any shitty day somehow, that difference that someone’s glad you’re you and that you exist.

So yes. Word of the day FUBAR. =)

Have a great day. I’m hoping to make tomorrow one.