Working on THE LIST

Today I look forward to a new volume in my Life. 2010 has been a struggle and a challenge. 

A disappointment and a bloody battle where my soul and my mind the battlefield. Humanity’s worst faces has been a constant view at work and I often found myself in the middle of being worse, stooping low enough to be as mean and as vengeful…I regret to say, I didn’t like what I was becoming. Thus this New Year is my ticket to a better me.

I mean, don’t we all want to be better than who we are? =) And it’s a thing to go, resolutions would be a great way to actually work on “The List”. And people, It’s THE LIST. SO yeah, I’m going to put my cards on resolution for 2011.

Despite the fact that I sound like a broken record with my constant nagging of how 2010 is such a drag, I would like to say, that the year has not been fruitless. 

I have met new friends that I can say frequency is not an issue. I am thankful for the opportunity and the moments shared.

Also to great old friends, with whom I never have to pretend to be nicer, to seem happier, to be stronger. 

Thank you. 

I wish for a rockin’ New Year for all of us.

Criminal Christmas Dinner 2010

Didn't have dinner with the guys since I got stuck at SM...was eating the head of the squid, mean eating dinner as well? Probably semantics only? LOL

Enjoyed coffee break moment...pagladlad ni J...Brazil on 2012..ehem...

Apple!!! I don;t have a photo of you and Jay? *sigh* tabi ra man gud LOL

Unpainted and Unmatched

A co-worker jokingly told me something that her husband said that she scolded him for. "Football is a third-world sport", which she explained why he's not into it.

I don't get the joke. Nor thus my funny-bone.

Was it too funny that I might have forgotten to laugh?

I am not entirely a stoic person. I can appreciate funny moments, laugh at most of my stupidities and blunders. I find watching comedy relaxing (specially from a long bout of criminal/forensic series or anime). And yet I don't get the bloody freaking joke.

It does not take a genius to tell that I am not a fan of discrimination, especially of race, religion, gender and economic status. Although I try to understand those that do.
Maybe understand is not the right word...tolerate? Like a filter in my mind...that I cannot breathe underwater...is in the same frequency as my tolerance of discrimination. I know it happens. Every day. I too have fallen under that cardinal sin, which is the reason why I am harsher with myself whenever I direct my self importance in a generalized direction...Pride is a set up for one hell of a fall.

I believe that discrimination is a choice. Of course there's always factors to consider why one is biased (so tame a word...deceptive as ever). However I see it as a choice. Like love, like fear, like anger...hate can be a  choice.

Yes. At some point, as I have chosen love, fear, anger, misery, happiness...as I have made choices upon choices, I too have chosen Hate.

I don't need to describe how it feels. How it too pulses through your veins. So in a way, I can see his choice.
In many ways I have criticized our country, it's political circus, it's poverty, it's social awareness, it's frequent clashes of religion, its domestic squabble. And yet I'm sure I am not the only one who feels pissed off hearing or knowing someone else took an aim at it...even when we know that a lot of foreigners find our country quite the cosmic joke.

I don't want to speak with the voice of Hate...so I give my gift. It is not Hate that moves me to say:

I don't need to change the color of my skin to be a racist, I don't need to be a man of faith to to be a bigot, I don't need the riches of the world to feel superior. I can be all of the above because I would choose to...it just happens, that I chose not to be.

I give you my pride...I am a woman with the blood of traitors and heroes running through my veins...I give you my Anger.I choose to be better than hate.

On Secret Pencils and Magic Ink

I look forward to the meet-up this Christmas or after Christmas with the guys from VOT.
I'm pretty sure, the loud one would still be loud, the sarcastic would out do his own sarcasm, and I am 100% sure, insults would be abundant.

Typical get together with my fellow ex-VOT. Would be writers, writers at  heart or just plain dangerous with pen and paper...well these days laptops. Yes, we are ehem are now into Starbucks, coffee dates, laptops, twitter, FB, blogging....name it...we're spreading the word-disease...

The stories we'd end up telling, the current status we never ever saw ourselves in when we were still part of the publication. Just thinking of what our previous selves would have reacted if we knew we'll be what we are now. LOL
I'm not sure if I would be happy or sad or horrified.

The past few years sure have changed us, some of our beliefs probably. But I am hoping not all of our well placed perspective of life, liberty and writing.

I'm sure it would be a fun night. Hopefully, it actually happens and I am able to attend unlike last year.

So here's to simple reunions of minds of not the same wavelength but reached a common frequency.
I look forward to that day. And yes. I shall document the event. It seems I have become quite the record keeper.

Incentive for the Evil Clown

This is what you'd call a proper incentive for me to finally go to Japan. One Ok Rock and Automatic Love Letter.

And due to this, no I won't invite friends who are very very good at ditching actual plans and friends who do not understand time lines.

Current mood would be: Planning a leave of absence for April and VISA and Tickets, which I would need help from Mayen...oh hell, AYA!!!! This would be our little secret. I am not meeting any of you guys. LOL Just to be safe (?)

Self-imposed Wonderland Backdoor

I watched Narnia: The Dawn Treader movie earlier with my friends: Inda, Riz and Bej.  I’m pretty much into the genre of the movie since I also love the books and well I have to admit I root for Edmund…sorry, King Edmund that is. LOL

I have forgotten how the actual story ended, well the entire 7 books. I might have that as an assignment of some sort. To re-read the books…then watch the 3 movies again. OC much?

Bej commented that she liked the series, so I mentioned the books, which led to the question if I was really into the Fantasy genre and I admitted that yeah, love it a lot. When asked why…well…to be honest…because it’s definitely the farthest (?) or the opposite concept against reality.

People might find my reasons rather…childish? In a way, if I do psychoanalyze myself, it would fall under defense mechanism or delusion. But is it delusion if I am fully aware of the difference between fantasy and reality? Would you consider me mentally unbalanced for my preferences? To choose non-reality? Am I less self aware because of my preferences?

I still don’t watch television nor do I read the newspaper despite my father’s advice that to be aware of current events is the first step in being well prepared in daily interaction with people. I do read, if given that I have nothing else to do or I do pick up the newspaper, but often I go to the sports section before the front page. It’s football so sue me!

Before, I did make the effort to read the newspaper daily. I’d like to say that I stopped because it was an additional expense to buy the newspaper every bloody day. But let’s be honest here…partially (slight) because I barely have the time…and (major major) I got tired of reading how until now we have assholes in the government. If they are not corrupt, they’re idiots. If it’s a person with no “known” scandal everyone presumes he must be an expert at hiding his tracks. If it wasn’t about the circus (government) the news would cover inane scandals and emotional (crap) difficulties of celebrities…like that would solve the country’s poverty.

Although one of my friends says that it’s an outlet that Filipinos need to disassociate themselves from their current reality issues. So who am I to argue, I too have my wonderland backdoor. So each to his own yeah? 

This is my reality and since it’s mine, I made a point that I would take the time to isolate myself from its harshness as often as I could get away with it. Thus I watch Anime over the News. I watch crime series and learn multiple ways of how people die instead of knowing how actual people did die during a day. I read macabre fantasy on niche-worlds with angels and monsters with no moral obligations to humanity instead of listening to how an actual person of good moral background could butcher his own family. I listen to alternative rock songs than to the preaching of someone who admonishes everything about how the country is ran by corrupted officials every night, and yet no action is taken, no resolution, no possible future.

I have a self-imposed wonderland backdoor, what do you have to keep your self from going ape-shit?

Addiction Redefined

I think I too am addicted....I have been browsing the net for Husky puppies...looking up Husky puppies at dA.

There's this deviant that has Huskies on his account....

New definition for the dog: ADDICTION

Husky Pup

And his photos are not helping. No. Not at all.

The Lovebug Event

Never really thought I'd ever be the type of person who loves cars.I still do not find driving as an activity I would enjoy. Road trip, sure. Driving...and entirely different story.

However, since ,my sister and I graduated uni our father has discovered or has explored his passion for cars, specifically the Volkwagen. Mind you, this model has been the farthest thing from my mind when considering the possibility of me behind the wheel.

But our father's a great influence. And yes, we did end up having a "family activity" (that we barely have) of attending the VW carshow in Manila last December 5, 2010.

Aside from the cars, I ended up splurging on VW Ts.

I'm anticipating the new car this December.  No tall people on the back seat is the one thing I keep remembering when it comes to the car.

And among all the cars there, these two were the ones that caught my attention the most

The Constant Battle

Ennui it seems is another factor to make me write again.I haven't written anything art-worthy though LOL.
Inspiration is currently unreachable? Or on vacation...a long vacation. I only have photos to occupy my time.

To stave off my hostility to a minimum level...to remember not everyone was created to actually understand and that sometimes to understand is not the actual point to everything.

Therefore it would take more than the photos to keep me slightly grounded. Watching series after series does help but  in no way does it help me sleep better. Furthermore, not a good activity to lose weight.

My excuses are currently winning. I have not been running as much as I wanted and getting the rest that I need. I plan to win though. But planning and talking about it is nothing to finally doing something about it.

Right now I'm waiting for a couple of friends who wants to enroll on a gym with me. So I am holding off my re-enrollment at Marriott. Just in case they find a better gym. Personally I prefer City Gym at Waterfront Hotel, since the place is pretty much neat. However membership is also quite pricey. So Marriott was the second choice.
But there could be better gyms in the city. I would prefer somewhere more accessible. Thus Marriott has been my choice for quite some time.
This time, we'll see where I could at least get exercise.

I want it soon though. It is December already. And this month is never easy on weight issues. I already have enough Thank you very much.

World Assholes Day

LoveQuotesRus

I can definitely relate to this as sad or as funny as it is.

Recycled Litany

Today I stayed late at the office again for a needed financial report that was rather late in sending to me for updates. Basically, I am staying late because someone forgot to send this to me. Suffering for someone elses' incompetence...or is that too harsh? For someone's forgetfulness.

Yes. I too learned tact it seems.

Despite the BS I witness every bloody day, and the ass-kissing...I have a tactful term for it in the office: "working hard"

It's interesting how a definition is altered or or compartmentalized in the environment it is used in. I wonder if someone has meticulously dotted down the intricate definitions or language in the office. Highly possible. Not everyone around here is actually working. (I am multi-tasking thank you very much)

However, despite that, I am done with the report and I'm now just running an application on a set of very very large data. Therefore, yes, this is why I have the time to write a blog...to read a few of Aya's "recommended" literature and listen to Taka-san sing:

"What do you want from me? Just let me breathe a little
What do you want to see? 目に見えるモノ?
What do you want to believe? Still nothing can be settled
Hold on to your words you say It's no good"

 Working through this application must be some sort of therapy. Whatever it was that had me on a ranting mood is currently content to stay quiet and watch the numbers just roll out. Precision it seems is relaxing for me. Attributed, the sound barrier I have built myself in while the work place is still buzzing with people.

I should head home soon and get the harness I bought for Tinker so I could walk him later.
So Litany, I shall recycle you some other day it seems.

Oh and Aya: "Relationships. They require strategy, just like a game. A game of hearts."

You're a really strange friend. But note that I still compartmentalize you under my definition of friend. =P

Ja.